


Confidence is Hard

by iamalivenow



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, this is how i show my love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 13:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9124927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamalivenow/pseuds/iamalivenow
Summary: If Yuuri's being entirely honest with himself he would have thought that his days of crying in a bathroom stall were behind him.And yet.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wookbutt09](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wookbutt09/gifts).



> @wookbutt09 I hope this is what you wanted.
> 
> Is it what you wanted? Probably not. Is it what you got? Yep. 
> 
> Does it sound like I'm vaguely threatening you? I hope not. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> ntbt'd.

If Yuuri's being entirely honest with himself he would have thought that his days of crying in a bathroom stall were behind him. 

And yet. 

It's a nice stall, sure, but it's a bathroom stall all the same and he's hunched over, covering his mouth to keep the sound in and unnoticed. He's not doing a very good job with it, if he's entirely honest. His eyes sting in familiar way and his throat burns. He's an inch from pulling his hair out from stress. 

He can't handle things like that. It makes his stomach turn just thinking about walking back through the store to leave. 

It was supposed to be a simple day, just walk in, buy Victor a present for New Years, walk out. That's it. How did he manage to mess this up so badly. Thank god they had a bathroom in the store, because otherwise he would have probably started crying on the spot. 

It wasn't a store, per say, it was a boutique, with a fancy little store front in London where they were staying for the holidays until they had to get on a plane and fly to another competition. It was really fancy, he saw it while they were getting dinner last night, it had a doorman and everything. 

He didn't think this through, obviously, because he had wore a pair of jeans and a hoodie and that was his first mistake, because the second he walked into the store every single person had started starring at him, which was bad enough but that happened from time to time. He walked around while someone followed him and when picked up a scarf to see the price tag a worker came over took it out of his hands immediately. 

He looked like a thief, apparently. And furthermore, the odds of being able to afford anything was laughable.

Apparently. 

The scarf looked really nice, a dark green, and what little contact he got with it, he could tell it felt like velvet under his fingers. 

When he tried to assure the women that no, he could afford it, and that no, it wasn't any trouble, she told him to get out before she called security. Then Yuuri mumbled something about a bathroom they pointed him in a direction and now here he was. 

Crying in a bathroom stall. 

Again. 

What was he thinking? He's never been called a thief before, but there's a first time for everything. Did he look that awful? Probably. Who was he kidding, of course he did. Why did he think being around Victor make him better. 

Why did Victor even put up with him?

Fuck what did he even see in him? 

The phone rings in his pocket as a particularly hard sob rocks through him. He drops his head and fumbles the phone out of his pocket. Oh. Victor. Of course. 

“Yuuri~ Where are you?” He can't breathe right now. 

“I needed some air.” He mumbles the best he can. His nose is runny though, and Victor can hear it. He sounds drowsy though, like he just woke up, so maybe he won't catch it. 

“Yuuri? Are you sick?” 

“No-”

“Where are you? I'll come get you.” There's a sound of fabric shuffling aggressively on the other line. 

“No! No, I'm okay!” He says and can't help the sob that swings through him. It makes him feel like a child. He wants to die. 

“Yuuri?” Victor asks. Yuuri covers his mouth and tries to put his head between his knees. “Are you crying, Yuuri?” 

“No.” It doesn't sound convincing in the slightest.

“Yuuri, tell me where you are, please?” Yuuri takes a deep shuddering breath and mumbles the name of the store. “I'll be there soon. Do you want me to talk to you till I get there?” 

“I don't- know.” He really can't breath and he's coughing now, trying to clear his throat or something, he doesn't know what to do anymore. God he feels so stupid.

“I can just talk to you, it's alright.” Victor says. Yuuri coughs again and it hurts in his chest, it physically hurts him. He's crying in earnest now as he listens to Victor's breathing while whispers into his phone gently. Yuuri can't even pay attention to what he's saying anymore. “It's cold out.” He says. “Are you wearing a jacket?” 

Yuuri nods before his brain works right. 

“And the thick socks too?” 

“Yeah-” 

His heart stops when someone knock on the bathroom door. He doesn't know what to do. He can't go outside like this, they'll think he's even more of a degenerate then he already is. Victor asks him what's wrong again but Yuuri can't breath anymore. He's hyperventilating now and who ever it was that knock on his door sighed and left. He can hear high heels click on tiles and then the door close. 

He feels sick to his stomach.

“Victor-”

“I'm almost there, Yuuri, I need you to breathe for me, alright. Just breath with me.” 

“I can't-” 

“Shh, don't worry about anything, I'll take care of it, just breathe.” 

“Vict-”

“Breathe with me, Yuuri.” 

Yuuri tries to. He tries his hardest, but the best he can do is go back to shuddering gasps. He feels miserable. 

After five minutes of this there's a knock on his stall again. 

“Yuuri?” 

“I'm sorry.” Yuuri mumbles. 

“It's okay Yuuri, just open the door.” He fumbles the lock and Victor sweeps him into his arms. Yuuri pushes away from him and Victor lets him. 

“I'll get you dirty.” 

“It's okay, come here.” Victor stands him in front of the sink, bends him over and washes his face for him. “Count to ten for me.” Yuuri gets to four before sobbing again. Victor cleans his face and makes him do it again. He gets to ten this time, shaky and miserable. Every part of his body trembles and he's so so tired. “Tell me what happened.” 

Yuuri gets through the explanation as best he can. When he finishes he pulls Yuuri to his chest again. He just holds him for a little bit. 

“You'll get better at dealing with shit like that. It'll get easier.” Victor pets his hair gently. “Thank you for thinking of me.” He whispers and kisses the crown of his head gently. “You did as good as you could, Yuuri.” 

He feels better, but only a little. He's bone tired, still shaking but Victor is warm and all encompassing. He doubts its just an age thing, he and Victor have a fundamentally different personality but the more Victor talks the more convinced be becomes. Victor probably had to deal with- no. Probably not. Victor whispers in his ear and he feels like he could fall asleep right now. 

When they step out of the bathroom Yuuri watches while Victor verbally eviscerates the sales people. Yuuri has a hard time concentrating but after a bit Victor comes back and puts a hand on his lower back to keep him up right. 

“They're giving you a store discount, if you still want to buy something.” 

“I really don't.” He mumbles.

“That's okay. We can come back when you feel better.” 

“I really don't want to, Victor.” His throat hurts. 

“...okay. Come on.”

They walk back to the hotel and get into their hotel room. Victor pushes him into a warm shower and Yuuri almost falls asleep there until Victor cleans him up and brings him to bed. He kisses him again and again and again. 

“Go to sleep.” 

“Stay with me. Please.” 

“Where would I go?” Victor asks with a smile. He dims the lights and draws the curtains and presses against Yuuri. Warmth radiates off of him. He buries his face in Yuuri's neck, presses more kisses into his shoulder. “I don't want you to feel bad like that.”

“I don't want to feel like that either.” Victor snorts gently. 

“You don't have to do everything yourself you know? Let me help you sometimes.” 

“I-” Yuuri breathes deeply. “Thank you.” 

“Mmhm. Go to sleep, sunshine.” 

Yuuri feels a lot better when he wakes up three hours later with Victor wrapped around him.

**Author's Note:**

> [iamalivenow](http://iamalivenow.tumblr.com/) is me on tumblr, come say hi, I'm nice, I swear. 
> 
> I take requests there!
> 
> Comments always appreciated!
> 
> If you make anything, please tell me! 
> 
> ✧*｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡


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